Garbagumpshoe----We Hardly Knew Ye

Oh, sad, sad, sad times. My poor little fish, Garbagumpshoe (aka Wanda), has sadly passed on.

Last night Luke and I were up watching television and I walked in the kitchen to find poor Garba swimming on his back...he'd then flip back over and swim down vertically and then slowly float on his back again (he wasn't dead at this point, btw). Obviously concerned, Luke (who has grown quite fond of the fish) put Garba into his own bowl, so as not to disturb our other fish, Gretagumpshoe (aka Emilio Jr.) with his dying. We stayed up way too long, watching poor Garba suffer and we left him floating on his side, trying to breath, but hanging in there. Upon waking, I immediately woke Luke up to go check on him. I would have done it myself, but I think dead fish are pretty gross and kind of really creepy.

And guess what?! He was still alive! But just barely. He was lying at the bottom, just kinda breathing and hanging on. We flushed him out of his misery. And now Big ol' Gretagumpshoe is alone. I almost want to blame him for Garbagumpshoe's death. Greta's huge and ate all of his food.

I had him for OVER 2 years!... and good memories are now all that is left to remember him by.... remember the one time when he jumped out of the net one time when I was trying to clean his water and Mark had to come over and rescue BOTH of them after they flopped under the oven and were with out water for about 5 minutes because I was too scared to touch them? Whoops. Good times. Good times.

Garbagumpshoe. May you rest in peace. You crazy little fish, you.

17 Again? Try 17 Ways to be dumb....

Ok, so its a rainy, miserable day outside. But I'm at work so its ok. But with no schoolwork, what's a girl to do? Watch bootleg movies that's what! Today's agenda: 17 Again. Starring the ever-witty Mathew Perry, and MY personal guilty pleasure, Zac Efron (Don't judge...you don't know my life). And while a movie about becoming 17 again and returning to the highschool glory days will most definitely have it's gaping plot holes and discrepencies...this one had A...LOT of them. Per my new movie title, here is a grand master flash list of 17 odd plot holes that could have easily been fixed with some sort of directing/writing plaster:

1. Ms. Matheson, she HATES Frank or Fred, whatever his name is (I couldn't hear that well, it was bootleg, come on.) but then is like Okay, I guess I'll go on a date with you...whatever.

2. So, Zac Efron is TOTALLY trying to get his wife back, while he's a teenager. And NOBODY thinks its weird that their slow dancing and spending all this alone time together...but then he tries to kiss her WHILE shes holding his hand, and we're supposed to be surprised! Come on people, we're not that dumb.

3.Sterotypes. Ok, stereotype the usual teen drama movie. There's the jock thats a jerk, his innocent and well meaning girlfriend that he abuses, the dork that gets taped to the toilet, and the cool guy thats just trying to help everyone out. Check, check,check AND check.

4. So the mom FINALLY realizes at the end of the movie that the kid is her husband even though he looks exactly like him, says the same stuff he says and tells her about the time they first met. Is she thick or what?!

5. When Frank/Fred is asking out the principle and she goes, 'only if you don't take me in a gaudy limo' and he like waves off the Hummer limo, shes looking RIGHT at it. Duh

6. A swirling vortex...really? Actually, it was the most original thing in the movie so, kudos.

7. Ten more things to go? The movie was only an hour and a half!

.

.

.

.

.

.17. Yay! Made it! Ok, so at the end he turns back into Mathew Perry and she takes him back and they LEAVE...while their son is finally the star of the basketball team! For the first time! That was THE most annoying part of the movie. Ugh.

Altogether though, I liked it. Zac Efron is my eye candy.

10 Questions...

There are 10 Questions I want to ask Ben Bailey from the 'Cash Cab'



1. Has anyone ever had a heart attack/stroke/ or epileptic seizure when you first turn on those crazy lights? I've seen some people get pretty rattled...




2. Do you ever pick someone up just for fun and NOT start the game show? I mean, how much would that suck if you got picked up in a cab by Ben Freaking Bailey and he's just drives you there!

3. Do you sometimes ask the really dumb people hard questions just to make them feel even dumber? I've seen this happen where some jock gets in and the first question is like, what's the square root of pie? I love to watch them squirm...I bet you do too, Ben Bailey. You sick person, you.



4. Where does all that cash come from? And how do you never get robbed? I mean, not getting robbed in NYC is probably a miracle in itself...but with LOADS of cash, it almost seems impossible.


5. Do you ever just let people get off with the right answer...if you REALLY like them, say with an old little lady or something? I'd do it... The sqaure root of pie is 4? Oh, Close enough you cute little thing you!


6. Why do you think people are almost always going to bars when you pick them up?



7. Reffering to question 4...lets move into the 21st century here...put that money on a card! Then you won't get robbed...I worry about you Ben Bailey.



8. Have you ever gotten pulled over and then tried to bribe the cop with all that cash...come oooonnnn.



9. Cabs aren't very popular anywhere BUT New York. Have you ever considered moving the show to L.A. or Minnesota? You could start the cab revolution!


10. Why are the video bonus questions so easy? It would be way more dramatic if the video questions had some obscure close up of something and have them identify it. People losing all their money makes me feel more justified in sitting at home doing nothing.

My Dad Met Benicio DelToro

End of story...jealousy is now reigning supreme. I'm going to go watch Sin City.

P.S. This is the first photographic evidence of many celebrity encounters my dad has claimed to have had.

P.P.S. My dad is the Jewish one on the right lol :)

The Perfect Major...

Everyone's big decision in life is what they major in college...I think they feel that the degree they receive will determine the type of job they will work at for the rest of their lives. English major? Get used to reading a lot of books, and you better start busting out that novel, stat. Theatre major? Have fun being a thespian for the rest of your life. While most of us know that this is not true (thank you Luke, the computer programming theatre major for being such an excellent example) there should be a perfect major out there...so irrelevant and ridiculous that no employer will hire you for being just that awesome...And that major is....

Quitting. Can you imagine having that on your resume. I think the interview conversation would go something like this.. So where did you go to school? Harvard. Oh wow, good school. What did you major in? Quitting. With an emphasis on small useless jobs like this...Wow...well...thanks for coming in.

Or something like that. See, in this major you would learn how to quit anything...effeciently and tactifully. New hobby? No problem. New job? That's your new specialty. Lunch date with less that desirable friends? You're out of there.

Maybe they would teach you how to quit with the best tactic I know, GUILT. Make anyone feel sympathetic for your quitting...I'm sorry I can't do this anymore...my dog just died...Aawwww, I'm sorry! Here's your bonus AND severance pay. Done.

Don't mock, people. I'll be surprised if some liberal arts school doesn't start this one up within the next 10 years. Mark my words. But this major has one problem...It's gotta be a short one, like a eek or so, because everyones going to quit school too....it's kind of their thing.

A Candy Conundrum...

After receiving a basket of easter candy AFTER eating easter dinner AND easter dessert I faced with a conundrum...Do I continue eating this candy AFTER easter even though I vowed not to? Or do I throw away a perfectly good easter basket filled with my favorite candy (see Previous Cadbury Creme Eggs Post). While for many people this conundrum may be non-existent because they can simply have their husband finish it off for them, as they rarely seem to feel guilt for such indulgences. Luke however, is allergic to chocolate, and any candy gifts of this nature always fall on me. Most of the time I don't mind, but I've been eating nonstop junk for a while, and I think I need to take a little better care of myself...

Back to the conundrum...I could always give the chocolate away, but then I would still have some left over and, therefore, I would still be tempted. I could eat one piece a day....but I know myself well enough to know I don't have the self-control OR restraint to do that :). So I am left with one option: Throw it out. Suck it up, tell yourself you don't want it anyways.

I was feeling bad about this particular situation UNTIL the said chocolate did me wrong. Oh how it did me wrong. I get up to do the horrific deed, solemnly putting all my (chocolate) eggs in one basket...all unaware they were on their way to their grave. I turn aroung and one had tried to escape, ended up UNDER my butt, melted...all...over...the...WHITE couch and my new jeans.

So I threw those suckers out. No remorse. How dare they try and sabatoge me. That little guy was brave, but he was stupid. And while the couch covers are washable, my pride is not! Let this be a lesson to all you rogue chocolate eggs out there....don't be a martyr for your friends will pay the ultimate price.

Thanks...

I think my husband has a super power. Don't laugh. They haven't shown it on Heroes yet, but they'll get to it in the next couple of episodes...they're running out of superpowers anyways. That show is ridiculous.

But I digress...

The superpower. Yes. I think Luke's super power goes beyond super human intelligence. I really actually think that he has the ability to transport his mind into another 4th, maybe even 5th dimension. I hope this 4th, 5th, maybe even 6th dimension, where men's minds travel to while on shopping trips with their significant others, well, I hope its a good place. I can almost imagine it now: there's computers, yes, lots of computers, with lots of RAM and hard drives and wires and USB stuff. It's a beautiful place. It makes me wonder why his brain ever comes back in the first place.

I too, may have a lesser version of this power. I know my brain is transported during class lectures. My teachers don't believe me but that's just because they're jealous. So are you. Don't deny it.

But back to the first point. Good for Luke. Way to find a superpower that allows you to live a normal AND happy life. None of this, 'I wish I could fly' crap. Really? You don't think anyone is going to notice? Or X-ray vision? What's up with that? Ooooh, I can see your bones and internal organs. Better watch it! Super human strength? I can get down with that....Intelligence...Watchmen's Ozymandius didn't do so bad with that one. Radioactive spider bite? Sorry, that's so last year.

Continue watching Heroes for more superpowers that are introduced but never get fully developed and are abandoned by the plot during times when this said superpower that was already introduced is completely ignored and could have ended the problem instantaniously. That show is ridiculous.

In any case, I love my husband and his super power. Hey, if it allows me to blah and blah and blah all day long in a mall without him frothing at the mouth with insanity afterwards, then I am OK with it. But I think he might just love me a lot :)

P.S. The best quote as Luke's mind left, probably the 4th dimension (which is probably a MMRP or combat related dimension), we are in the Asian Gift store where they sell 'samurai' swords,

"I bet none of these swords are combat ready".......♥

David Bowie....Oh How I Love Thee

David Bowie, you are my hero. I listen to you, probably every day. Your songs inspire me to be a drug abusing, rock star with a guitar. In dedication of you're inspiring awesomeness I am making a list of they lyrics that make me want to embrace my androgynous, sexually confused self....oh, and be in the movie Labyrinth. Read them, trust me, it's worth it! 1.So I turned myself to face me/ But I've never caught a glimpse/ Of how the others must see the faker/I'm much too fast to take that test/Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes/Don't have to be a richer man....This is just classic Bowie showing me what I gotta do with me and my awesome self :) 2.Listen to me - don't listen to me/Talk to me - don't talk to me/ Dance with me - don't dance with me, no/Beep-beep......Story of my life. 3. How come you only want tomorrow/With its promise of something hard to do/ A real life adventure worth more than pieces of gold/Blue skies above and sun on your arms strength in your stride/And hope in those squeaky clean eyes..... 4.Come get up my baby/ I'll stick with you baby for a thousand years/Nothing's gonna touch you in these golden years... Awww, I think of Luke...sometimes Bowie...don't judge :) 5. Hey man schooldays insane/ Hey man my work's down the drain/Hey man well she's total blam-blam...Story of my life again! What was I telling you? 6.This is Ground Control to Major Tom/ You've really made the grade/ And the papers want to know whose shirts you wear/ Now it's time to leave the capsule if you dare...Major Tom...look at what you could have been if you hadn't turned into a junky... 7. 'cause love's such an old fashioned word/ and love dares you to care for/ the people on the edge of the night/ and love dares you to change our way of caring about ourselves....When I was little I used to L-O-V-E Freddy Mercury, so when I first heard this song, I almost cried tears of joy. 8.Ashes to ashes, funk to funky/ We know Major Tom's a junkie/ Strung out in heaven's high/ Hitting an all-time low...we all know it Major Tom...stop trying to deny it :) 9. Though nothing, nothing will keep us together/ We can beat them, forever and ever/ Oh, we can be heroes just for one day. Hell yes we can...maybe we can make it two days if we get awesome super powers. And the best lyric of them alll!: 10. The spiders from Mars, he played it left hand/But made it too far/Became the special man, then we were Ziggy's band/ Ziggy really sang, screwed up eyes and screwed down hairdo/ Like some cat from Japan, he could lick 'em by smiling/ He could leave 'em to hang/Came on so loaded man, well hung and snow white tan/So where were the spiders while the fly tried to break our balls....makes me happy every time :)

No go watch Labrynith and try not too stare too intently at Bowie's junk as he creepily
sings love songs to a minor.

An Ode to Cadbury's Creme Eggs...

Oh creme eggs...why must you taunt me so. With all of your flavors. Original, Caramel and my personal favorite: Orange You seem so harmless. You're so small! And yet I bite into you and am overwhelmed by your sweetness. You actually make my teeth hurt, that's how sweet your gooey insides are. And yet you keep me coming back for more... You say your made by Cadbury's, but we all know they're using the cheap chocolate on you. Don't worry...I don't mind. I don't mind what your made of. Because ever since that fateful day where you and the Peeps were together On the same shelf...Well, I just can't shake it. I can't shake this sneaking suspicion that you are the product Of an unfertilized Peep Hen's egg... You get the Peeps who are a product of something wonderful... And you. You, Cadbury Creme Egg...You are just the gooey mess that never was. Tragic and yet oh so delicious.